To start, I am not an expert on conversation, and as a natural introvert I doubt I ever will be. There are some recurring rules of thumb in my experience, though, that I might mention. In order to open up a prospective conversation partner, in most cases where the other is not a very close friend it is best to start small and build meaning as the conversation progresses. Beginning a conversation with profound or controversial topics can most often discourage participation or provoke passionate, unthoughtful monologging of someone’s personal absolutes. I usually try to start conversation on mundane topics such as weather, school, news, or the surroundings. This allows most people to begin to feel comfortable whether they be outgoing or not. As conversation progresses, I try to wean away from the mundane to more personal subjects that are largely unobtrusive such as one’s family, weekend plans, state/town of origin, hobbies, or pets.
When in conversation, I usually try to talk in a straightforward and clear manner of vocabulary and voice. I generally have not had good conversational experiences with overly “elegant” (a.k.a. confusing) speech or someone that speaks in mumbles or too softly or quickly to be heard. Eye contact is important to a point, although I realize that I naturally look away from time to time to reduce the possibility of becoming imposing or too intense. It is also helpful if the speaker tries to not make excessive movements with the rest of his or her body, as this can be quite distracting.
For troubleshooting conversations, I usually try to be a defensive driver. When resistance is sensed, I usually maneuver to a different topic. Despite what anyone else may think, I believe that there is always something on a person’s mind that they want to share or discuss. And it is usually worth finding, if the other person is in a fair mood. When someone has high resistance to continue conversation, I usually feel fine stopping. Ultimately, it is not my obligation to continue, and sometimes the sound of silence can bring forth more mutual understanding and respect between people than hot air could ever hope to yield.
It is an interesting question of whether we introverts (I am one too) learn to go against our own personality types on matters like starting up a conversation. You may recall in my post The class as a microcosm... that I argued effective change requires an anthropological approach coupled with a strong sense of empathy. This, in turn, requires getting others to open up, at least on topics that are relevant to what that change might be. So it can be thought of us a necessary job skill for those who do encourage change.
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